On Being Worm Dirt

The following was posted on C&L:



Mary Tillman …

In an interview with ESPN.com, Kauzlarich said: "When you die, I mean, there is supposedly a better life, right? Well, if you are an atheist and you don't believe in anything, if you die, what is there to go to? Nothing. You are worm dirt. So for their son to die for nothing, and now he is no more — that is pretty hard to get your head around that. So I don't know how an atheist thinks. I can only imagine that that would be pretty tough."

I have a little something to say about this. Excuse my bluntness.

"When you die, I mean, there is supposedly a better life, right?"

I am not going to comment on the concept of "afterlife," but I will comment on life, and the kind of mind that makes this sort of statement. A mind that is scared, that is afraid to both live and die. A mind that thinks that there is a better life after death has not lived a fulfilled life, and is postponing what causes it misery till death, believing that after death everything will be hunky-dory while being scared to confront its source of discontent in this life. It is scared of the unknown and does not have the balls to confront that fear. It is the kind of mind that will make the body run through a dark alley even if the alley was empty and there was no real physical danger.

"Well, if you are an atheist and you don't believe in anything, if you die, what is there to go to?"

Wrong. I am an atheist, and I believe in myself. I am ultimately responsible to myself and understand my actions have consequences. I try not to judge other people, but sometimes I do, which is why I have a certain kind of persona. Actions have outcomes. As far as going somewhere, where do you want to go? I have arrived. We have arrived. We are in this moment, and the moment is now. Who you are in this moment defines who you will be in the next moment, so on and so forth. Stop waiting for death, or to be transported to a better place when you are about to die.

"You are worm dirt."

I agree. Thank you for the complement. I am a part of this universe. Dirt is just stuff, and I am simply a manifestation of stuff. A worm is a different kind of manifestation but it's still only stuff. And you, sir, if I may say, are a waste of stuff. Well, not really. I suppose I am grateful to you at some level for eliciting this response to your words.

"So for their son to die for nothing, and now he is no more -- that is pretty hard to get your head around that."

Not really. He died for a lie. He died so that W could strut around pretending to be a president. He died so that people like you could feed your ego. He died so corporations could make money. He died and you used him as a product. He was never a human being for you. He was a thing to you. To you he was a condom you put on before you mind-f***ed millions of Americans. To millions of us, he was a person. We would have just liked to shake his hand, and nod. Look at him square in the eye, and in that moment convey how grateful we are for his service, his sacrifice, and how sorry we are that we could not save his life, and for how he was used after he died. Words are inadequate, but sometimes that one nod of the head can be enough.

"So I don't know how an atheist thinks. I can only imagine that that would be pretty tough."

Now, sir, you know what this one atheist thinks. There are days when I wake up in the morning, I stare at a mirror and I blink. And there are days I don't. That's life. But at least I had the courage to look. (I am honestly not trying to feed my ego here.) You, sir- DON'T.

P.S. My heartfelt condolences to his family and friends.